theredpanther

01:01 pm: Part 2 Text dump -- the end of a (phone's) era
( costumes, blackouts, hookers, gay, hot mess, library gossip, hangovers, taco bell, russian mail order bride, barfing, shirtless teens... and more! )

Tags: text

09:23 am: The "my phone is dying and I'm getting a new one" long overdue text dump, Part 1
8-28, 1:45 am
OUT: Big gay Thursday at the abbey next week. The doctor will be in. Spread the big gay word.
( More gay shenanigans back here )

Tags: text

04:41 pm: Text dump! Way overdue
( Because we are HILARIOUS drunks )

Tags: text

09:52 pm: Let's Get Textual
3-3
IN: Just saw cousin Scott's mugshot on the news for the car burglaries around Boomtown.

3-4
OUT: Who knew so many men in my life were so odd? I suppose there's a lesson in that statement.

OUT: Is it wrong that I'm hoping for at least 1 seizure this cycle?

3-7
IN: Stop sign at press st n dauphine has been tagged: Dont stop believin.

3-12
OUT: Don't be jealous! Come and enjoy, It'll be like 9th grade. But with booze. And a husband. And we won't have to sneak out.

3-13
IN: Lol, saint, abbey whatever. Its all spiritual when there is beer.

3-14
OUT: She's long gone.
IN: Like a pile of crawfish in your mom's hands.

3-15 (5:49 pm)
IN: Passed out at 1l pm last night. Woke up at 3 am from a dream where Jude Law was feeling me up at a Christian fundraiser. Got up and puked, felt better. Now I'm still in my jammies and I stink. BUT I REGRET NOTHING! Yesterday was a blast.

3-17
OUT: Uh, nobody wants to see belinda carlisle's vagina.

3-17
OUT: You got a replacement debit card in the mail. What would you like me to do with it?
IN: Go buy yourself shoes and baubles and a pony.

OUT: Sigh. I did everything but shove it up his butt to get him to take it. Guess i know what I'll have to do next time.

3-31
OUT: You are a bad influence.
IN: I don't know what u'r talking about... Nor do i remember getting home. I think I asked someone 2 cum in my mouth. Ummm...
OUT: I don't remember leaving! I hope I didn't fall asleep (fine- pass out) there. Or fall. And oh, I was 2 hours late for work.

OUT: So I don't remember everything about last night. But I do remember having an awesome time. Thank you. Oh, and sorry I couldn't stop grabbing your girly bits.

4-9
IN: Note to self: beer, wine with rum, champagne, vodka, and mixed shots in one night is a toxic combination that will lead to barfing the following morning.

IN: So if there are no jobs in January can I work for you?
OUT: Like as a cabana girl?
IN: That works!! I was thinking of the library but I'll service you however u need.

4-20
IN: Cool. Have fun getting motivated.
OUT: I'm totally motivated to stab someone already!
IN: Stabby TRP is one of my favorite TRPs.

4/20
IN: Will ward just emailed me. Facebook is so weird. I was like who is that turns out he is a friend of allies from baylor. I guess I used to date him. Funny I don't remember dating any of those douchebags.

4/22
IN: I seriously JUST yesterday remembered about that girl peeing her pants at the park. How drunk was I?

4/29
IN: Happy bday my hot, sick, creative, funny, psycho, beautiful redheaded friend. Love you lots and can't wait to see u! Xxoo doze

4/30:
IN: Uggggggh the Buffas bartender kept giving me these free double shots of vodka, and now I want to die.

Tags: text

07:30 pm: Text dump!!! Clearing out the pre Gras texts to make some space...
1/1
IN: Where did i fall? Cuz i also fell at home and almost died.
OUT: In front of tikis. Onto your butt.
IN: Oh joy. Ive been puking all morning and have bruises everywhere.
IN: Omg. I am still puking and i can't lay on my sides bc of bruises. I r retard.


1/8
IN: How's your french? would "roi di roche" be correct for "king of rock" as in the run dmc song?


1/9
OUT: I am at pho tau bay and you are not. /gloat
1/10
IN: I got so mad at your smugness that it has taken me a full day to respond. Fuck you ya bitch-ass Bitch.


1/12
IN: Sushi? Sex please?


1/13
IN: Ur very special and every 1 luvs u. Hae a gr8 day.;-)
OUT: Are you rolling?

1/17
IN: Oh okay I'll text you when I get off to see where you and your hottest ass are.


1/22:
OUT (7:14 am): Go to sleep!
IN (7:15 am): I will!


1/26
OUT: I think your downfall was the quadruple vodka cran that you sucked down in 4 min.
IN: We still kicked their asses in awesomeness!
OUT: Totally. We were clearly the better team.


OUT: I feel like puke.


OUT: E* likes retarded. You met his roomates last night, and that's proof right there.


2/5
IN: Headed downtown tonight? It's been awhile since I've puked myself awake.


2/6:
OUT: I just described our relationship thusly: i don't want her to eat my box. I just want her to love me.
IN: Awe....e e e e!(sighs deeply) i told a certain person in a letter that you were nothing short of amazing. Just saying.
In: Maybe were gay in a past life. Gay unicorns.


IN: Technoviking enjoys this beat


2/9
IN: I sat next to a little person for the Fleur de Tease show! He wore eyeliner.

Tags: text

10:26 am: 4 real text dump
5/3
IN: OK grommits are not a problem. But about this wooing...can the dewey decible system. Be involved somehow? Maybe even Conan the librarian reinactments?
OUT: Dewey decible system? Is that some sort of librarian musician merger come on?


( more randomness back here )

Tags: text

10:11 am: Text dump: A very special episode: The SYTYCD Edition
( This might be amusing to only about 4 of you. Consider yourself warned. )

Tags: dancy, text

04:59 pm: Sunny / Not So Sunny Girlfriend
I've become obsessed with Mike Nesmith.



I like this.


In contrast: a text message sent to my in error (from a New Mexico area code[?]):

So much for changing you just thru a huge fit thank you so much i honestly changed in my heart.

my reply:
I'm pretty sure you sent this to the wrong number. I have thrown no fit today.




I'm a sunny girlfriend type, bitches!

Tags: music, text

03:29 pm: Text dump. Again!
More to follow. Eventually. When I feel like it.

IN:
3/21: Hey! Birthday!
3/26: Relax you busy little squirrel!
3/27: I got drunk and feel down the stairs last night! My arm hurts...
3/28: They are playing Journey in the bar i am in right now. I miss you even more now. shitty.
3/28: Omg. Ric ocasic and the vending machine is a new chapter in my book.
4/15: Journey is playing. In my sister's car. I am drunk. I have a tacquito. And ranch dip. Life is set!
4/19: The doctor and junior mints, not as good as i imagined.
4/29: I forgotted mx sunglasses, theyre the ones with hair stuck in um. Will get them later.
5/16: Just letting u know, journey in the cab on the way to the bar w bridget!
5/19: This early in the mornin i just want to punch all these librarians in the face. This is the challenge of leadership


OUT:
3/19: Oho! Hot boy action i hope! He licked my hand last night... and i hadn't even spilled a drink on it!
3/19: I can't keep up with your mens! I'm proud of you!
4/13: Dear sweet jesus. Slingblade has set up a mike and amp in his backyard and is singing We Are the Champions to the neighborhood. Darkneess has fallen upon 6th St.
4/15: Have fun punkin! I'm sorting porn. I feel a little dirty. Love!
4/15: I'm elbow deep in porn! Have a good night!
4/19: Crazy _____ is here. Fingers crossed I don't get shanked!
4/20: Amended: i am not the oldest person here. I am, however, the oldest person here with their dignity intact.
5/2: Happy birthday! I would say not to do anything i wouldn't do, but i'm pretty sure you've already done both of them.
5/3: Oh, I want you to be here too. I'm being entertained bx a guy at the bar whose tshirt has a pic of a shark fighting a bear. Rad.




Ye Olde Inn and Outte:


3/25:
IN: We should sleep together. If not, I could sure use a librarian's help go doing research.
OUT: Both offers are so tempting! But for now I'll pick research. What you need?
IN: I have to write my book this summer. And I need access to all the mayor's boxes.
OUT: Don't know how much access I have to the mayor's office, but I am good at using my crafty ways...
IN: No. Lol. The public library has the mayor's boxes.
OUT: Ah. Well, infiltrating th mayor's office sounded better. Busy at author night at the library tonight. I just had a prominent NOLA personality get his credt card declined!

3/28:
IN: I am at SFO standing next to ALICE COOPER! So f'n cool!
OUT: Jump on him!
IN: He is pretty scary looking and he is tiny. I am on my way to Houston.
OUT: Have fun and learn lots. But your story will be better if you jump on him!

4/15:
IN: I miss you. Isn't that weird?
OUT: Not at all weird. I am pretty amazing.

4/25:
IN: What does rick roll mean?
IN: I'm never gonna give you up! And that's for true.
IN: If I were gonna give you up it would only be for something super good like unicorn hugs.


IN: 5/9, 4:24 am: Your brother is making out with some guy who was all over me at Jacks. He is drunk. Like drunk as I was when you came back stage drunk. It's wonderful.
OUT: 5/10, 2:17 pm: He just told me he talked to some guy last night for 2 hours before he realized he was deaf.

Tags: text

01:34 pm: Text dump! Part 1 of 2.
So... in good news and bad news, my new phone has much more memory for texts. Which is good b/c I don't have to worry about it as often. And which is bad because when it's finally time for a text dump, there are like a gazillion of them.

IN:
2/15: Did you have some kind of breakdown in the bathroom, cause there's hair everywhere.
2/20: The bad thing about cramming things in my ass is that all this extra air gets shoved in there, and it makes me farty. Fartier than normal.
2/20: Hahaha I am seriously ripping out these 15 second long farts. It was a very difficult task to hold them all in before leaving the German.
2/22: Holy shit. Jagerbombs? Hope Skye had fun with us last night because I'm in hell right now.
2/22: Such a princess. We'll have to check for peas under all the mattresses.
3/2: You high?
3/6: Nic Cave looks like Rio. **pic attached, and boy was she right**
3/14: If you talk to _____ could you give her my # and have her text me, I have something she may be interested in (you know, pot).
3/16: No party is complete without the following question: when should i come pick up my clothes?

OUT:

2/9: Well... thanks! Glad y'all are having a boobtastic time.
2/16: I'm outside ur restaurant spyin on u
2/17: Ah yes, the crazy stalker approach! Always a crowd pleaser.
3/7: Traumatized. Weiner mobile AND opossum.
3/16: I think I just saw some chick at the Zoo doing The Webber.

THE OLD IN AND OUT:

2/17:
IN: I have my 1st date through chemistry.com today. Is it too soon to bring up fisting?
OUT: It's never too early for fisting. I'm lounging in a hotel watching Tokyo Drift and all I can think about is how carsick I would be. Have fun!


2/22:
IN: O m g, i am in the most bourbon street-ass bar on this island. Girls are in line dancing to hip-hop, and some toothless gal is giving me the eye. Tiki's is like the Ritz-Carlton in comparison.
IN: Dj just played Seperate Ways, the Power of Perry unites all.
OUT: Someday love will find you, and maybe that someday is now. In that spectacular bar.


2/22:
IN: Have u accepted Jesus Christ as your personal trainer?
OUT: I hope not, because if i have, he's doing a terrible job.
IN: Really? My abs have never looked better!

3/2:
IN: Dude! It was so good to see you last night. I think I have a crush on you.
OUT: You just think you do? I better step up my game.

3/5:
IN: **I get sent a photo of a cereal box that has a photo of two seals on it**
OUT: Cereal made out of seals? Ew.
IN: They also have pandas.
OUT: Minty?

3/16:
OUT: Poor baby. Missed you. Everyone loves my box! Even though it's itchy. Heh.
IN: You have an itchy box. ;) heh heh
OUT: Don't laugh too much. It's your fault I've got the itch.
IN: Well, it's not the first time, I could scratch it for you.

3/18:
IN: They were so good they made me puke. Yeah mr maybe twas the dr. Have 2morrow off call me
OUT: You are such a rock star. Kind of.

Tags: text

04:05 pm: Text dump! The Doctor Chronicles
The story of Dr McGillicuddy and his magic firewater elixir

Ch. 1: It begins
2/24:
OUT, 4:09 am: Omg. I just picked up my jacket wrong and dripped everything out of the pockets in front of the boys. I am sooo smooth. Not drunk at all.
IN, 10:30 am: Ohhh i have an olde tyme hangover
OUT, 1:24 pm: Damn you Dr McGillicutty and your delicious firewater! I really need a grilled cheese.
OUT, 1:31 pm: Everyone was wrong. I STILL find it hi-larious to have Tiki's number saved under Dr. McG.

Ch. 2: It continues
3/7:
IN: I am forwarding this message from Karen to you "Fire water in stock at tikis"
OUT: Looks like I've got a date with dr mcg sat night!
IN: Me too!
OUT: Double date!
IN: Whoo hoo!
IN: The doctor is in! And on a sidenote ______ says he is no longer a douchebag.

Ch. 3: The morning after. Again.
3/8:
OUT: The dr. should hand out an aspirin with every shot of his elixir.
IN: Srsly. I need coffee and mcgriddles.

Ch. 4: And yet we go back for more.
3/8:
IN: Cinnamon whiskey!
IN: We are here and with the dr.

Ch. 5: And pay for it again.
3/9:
IN: Oh damn that mcgilicuddy
OUT: I'm pretty sure he got his medical degree in Mexico.
IN: I haven't even seen a degree hanging in his office!

Ch. 6: We try to remind ourselves of the cost.
3/10:
IN: Goddamn. The doctor keeps me from getting anything done on my days off. And also every other day.

Ch. 7: But oh, how quickly we forget.
3/13:
OUT: Is the dr keeping office hours tonight?
3/14:
IN: We're here and the doctor is in!

Ch. 8: He starts making house calls
3/26:
IN: Would youlike delivery of the doctor to your residence this evening?

Ch. 9: Things get serious.
3/28:
IN: Indeed! I am at the doctor's doing group therapy right now.

Ch. 10: AFter a particularly strong dosage, I start to realize I may have a problem.
4/11:
OUT: I think our doctor is in fact a practitioner of voodoo and he's turning me into a zombie.
OUT: Yeah, I think I need to take a little medical leave from the medicines. Ugh.
OUT: Also, hangover guilt is a bitch.
OUT (to the Tiki's bartender): Please limit me to one dosage per office visit from now on. Be viligant!

Ch. 11: The current situation. Blessing or curse?
4/12:
IN: I am concerned about the pharmacy running out of elixir. Word on the street says the distributer is out.




WTF are we talking about? http://liquorlog.blogspot.com/2006/07/review-recipe-dr-mcgillicuddys.html

Tags: firewater, text, tiki's

09:14 am: today...
...is going to be ridiculous.

I introduced one brother (the one three days shy of 21) to the deadly shot-of-whiskey-and-a-beer combo last night at Tiki's.
Then we stormed into a gay bar to collect the other brother, and the minute I turned my back, both brothers ended up on stage dancing (along with the younger one's girlfriend). With help, I managed to wrassle the older one off some boy who seemed to be under the impression he was coming home with us (which he was not), and then loaded the car and went to McDonald's for a 45-minute-long Tour of Breakfast Hell (when all I wanted was fries).

Here's a little glimpse of what the night was all about, via text messages:

An idea of my mental prowess after 3 am:
IN: 1:20 am: Yay drunk texting!
OUT: 3:20 am: Did I drunk text you?
IN: 3:54 am: Nope. i drunk txted you.
OUT: 4:03 am: Ha! Good timing! I've got both brothers visiting and got both of them drunk. I am a bad influence.

The gay bar double hitter, before I got there:
IN: 1:37 am: Everyone is loving ____. He steals the show again!
IN: 1:51 am: Your brother just licked my hand.

In the line at McDonald's, a text exchange between myself and the only non-family member in the car:
IN: 3:24 am: You need an adult?
OUT: 3:24 am: So much
IN: 3:25 am: This is absurd. I am loving the family bonding. They are so drunk! We win. Let's break them tomorrow.
OUT: 3:26 am: Game on! They are in for a world of hurt
OUT: 3:27 am: Help
IN: 3:28 am: Isn't it fun being the big sister?!


Also: Interpretive dancing to "Sister Christian" -- more awesome than you will ever know.

Also (even more importantly): I am so glad I have brothers that can hang, from dirty Decatur Street dive bars to French Quarter gay discos and everywhere in between. And I am glad I have such amazing friends that not only welcome my family with open arms, but take care of them, too.

Tags: family, text, tiki's